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No More Fixing

There was a time when I thought I was here to right the wrongs of The Big Four, that I needed to help fix and heal the world.

I had to let everyone else know what I'd come to know!

But I quickly found out that fixing is hard work. It requires force and effort and oddly enough no one really likes being fixed.

This showed up the clearest in my romantic relationships - where I came to see it as actually a violation - but more on that in a bit.

Fixing is so old school, so old paradigm. It's really typical of the kind of energy we see in The Big Four.

It was about having power over and taking power away from others.

And considering how much of The Big Four is floating around inside our psyche still, it's not surprising that it's the first thought that came to mind.

Here's what happened - someone out of their well-meaning benevolent heart suggested I should dedicate my life, my career to helping people escape cults and I kinda wanted to throw up.

I didn't really understand why I felt such a clear emotional 'heck no' until I started to observe what was going on right around me.

I saw beautiful people dedicating their lives to 'fixing others in the way they'd been fixed'.

I saw women who'd escaped domestic abuse set up support systems for those fleeing domestic abuse….so gorgeous right?

And then I saw a woman who'd tried to commit suicide dedicate her life to suicide prevention - only to go on to successfully commit suicide later.

The old adage 'If one person was helped it was worth it' didn't ring true for me - wasn't she worthy of getting to live a happy life?

Why must she suffer for others to not suffer?

It was like everything she'd attempted to do had been thwarted - like all those who looked up to her were shown a little one finger and told no matter what you do, or how good you are suicide is going to get you anyway.

I hadn't been able to put my finger on it, but I suddenly realised that this was why I didn't want to dedicate my life to fixing people who were the old version of me.

It kept me continually back in the pain of my old self and left me no real room to move forward into the life I'd wanted to leave for.

Because honestly when I escaped, I definitely hadn't looked around the room and thought let me leave first and then I'll come back and show you all how it's done.

Because there's nothing else in life, I'd like more than to keep making this painful journey over and over and over again.

No, I'd wanted to escape because I wanted a life away from what I knew, free of the pain of what I was in.

And from where I sat, those who were laying down their lives to fix others were doing exactly that - laying down their lives.

They were burning out because they were pushing water uphill.

The work never ended.

It was at that point I said very clearly to myself: I don't ever want to fix anyone ever again.

I want to live a life that's right for me and if that inspires anyone to consider doing the same then that's an amazing side effect, but it's not my goal.

Because frankly I had enough to do figuring out my life and I had no desire to take someone else's power away from them by telling them I knew better and that they should look to me for the answers.

I could never know what was right for them, only their inner guidance system could know that at each step of their life.

There is never one correct answer to anything, there is only what feels good to you at that point and time.

It wasn't my place to disempower anyone by doing the thinking for them - this was their journey to ponder, assess and make their own choices.

And truthfully - I didn't want the responsibility!

I would share my journey - (ya know kinda like I'm doing here - actually exactly like I'm doing here!) but it would never be a How To Guide.

It was simply the sharing of my story, a thought-provoker for the reader to reach their own conclusions.

Of which there are an infinite number.

And so, if fixing wasn't what I was supposed to do with my life, what was I supposed to do?

Except of Why The Soul Seeks Freedom eBook continue reading it now here


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As you surrender the part of you that feels you need to save the world, so you are happy to live in it - you learn to save yourself, so you are happy to live in you.
- Lee Harris


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