Updated: Nov 7, 2022
Physical freedom might mean not being controlled by others, not having restrictive health or wealth circumstances.
Emotional freedom felt more like not living according to what others perceive to be right or wrong and that's often influenced by generational teachings, societal expectations, and patriarchal demands - including religious beliefs and more.
In the first couple of years after finding physical freedom I basically just survived - I put one foot in front of the other to ensure I got through the day without dying.
I looked out for my physical safety, and I started to fill in the blanks of caring for my physical needs.
To this day I’m still surprised I didn’t die on several different occasions!
I dealt with the never-ending stream of new experiences that felt like they'd been dumped into my life by some giant invisible tipper truck.
And then 2 years down the line I found myself in the warm and fluffy embrace of my gorgeous fiancé.
And as I began to breathe again - to do more than just survive - because now it wasn't just me looking outside the tent to see if danger was approaching, I had someone else actively employed in ensuring I was safe all day, every day, I became aware of how emotionally free I wasn't.
This stuff was deep inside my grey matter, and I had no idea how to release it.
You can jump out of a burning building, but the smoke still lingers in your lungs, the dryness in your throat, the singe in your hair, and the memory still deep inside your psyche.
There were layers to this stuff.
I tackled it like I was sitting down with a jumble of fairy lights that had ended up in a tangle last Christmas and spent hours and hours of days hunched over the 30-year-long mess.
Attempting to find satisfaction in unpicking exactly what had gone on.
Looking for answers.
The only thing is there was no satisfaction and the more I looked for things to unpick the more there was to unpick.
And the more possible answers there were to each thing that needed unpicking.
And the more I drove myself insane.
And further and further away from any kind of emotional freedom.
I thought it would be like sifting out the wheat from the chaff.
But in reality, it was more like taking a jar of river water, and instead of letting the sediment settle on the bottom so I could drink the clear water at the top, I was just stirring that water up again and again and again.
Until there was no clear water at all - now all the water had shitty stuff in it.
But along the way, I came to understand that I didn't need to waste the time unpicking the innumerable knots.
I took a step back and realized most of these knots were due to The Big Four.
And that The Big Four affected everybody, that's why it wasn't just me that was struggling with this stuff.
Every human alive and stalking around this planet right now had some of this stuff drifting through their psyche to some degree or other.
Like the particles that hung in the air over Hiroshima.
It was there, largely inescapable, all around us but yet so big we barely saw it and we don't really know how much is inside us working away.
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Your only job on this planet is, not to save it or single-handedly raise consciousness. But to allow yourself to become the fullest soul-based human that you can become, & that energy will emanate into all who meet you. - Lee Harris